If you’re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Sometimes going with the flow you end up in a sewer.
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Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, “You must be heartbroken. I can’t believe Justin Bieber died so young!”
‘90s movie villain: You have 2 minutes to hack into the pentagon or I’ll blow your head off!
Hacker: (frantically starts fumbling at an AOL disc package)
Boss: Are you high?
Me: If I was high could I do this?
B: What? You aren’t doing anything
M: sorry I’m super high. What was the question?
“You list communication as a strength”
“Care to elaborate?”
*ruins your party with a can of Serious String*
Poor character written by an author who has experienced poverty: My problem is that I’m $300 short on the rent and now my car is making a noise
Poor character written by a rich author: My problem is that I feel so inferior beside these beautiful, sophisticated rich people
Spider-Man, hanging right in front of your face when you turn on the bathroom light.