@EyeSeeYou619: Sometimes I open the refrigerator door with my foot just to impress my dog.
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@lazerdoov: *sitting in the dark at the kitchen table waiting for my wife* Hello Karen. Maybe you'd like to tell me who used all my essential oils
@IvoryGazelle: [inventing chalk] We want something that young children can use to play and learn with, but we also need to be able to outline dead bodies.
@thatdutchperson: Being a Zombie doesn't sound that bad. You don't have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
@BigJDubz: One of the best things about the internet is that it’s very easy to claim credit for things you had no part in. It’s one of the reasons I invented it