@McNevich: Sometimes I'll flush a few slices of pizza down the toilet just to let the Ninja Turtles know I miss them
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@ItsAndyRyan: First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos
@Cpin42: It creeps me out when my dog watches my wife and I have sex. We hide the videotapes, but he always finds them.
@WilliamAder: Found a YouTube channel that's just French women smoking cigarettes so this is my last tweet.
@SteveMartinToGo: This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.