@outsmartedmommy

Sometimes marriage is about love & compromise other times it’s about letting the garbage get so full & seeing who will cave first.

You Might Also Like

@Book_Krazy

I think Twitter is affecting my eyesight. I’m having difficulty seeing the laundry pile up

@UnFitz

“You’re just not my cup of tea” I say to someone else’s cup of tea.

@beefman138

Took an exam on ancient Persian culture.

I passed with flying carpets.

@pinupteacher

[speed dating]

Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog?

“No.”

*I take a deep breath and roll my eyes*

[timer beeps]

@michaelianblack

Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.

@huntigula

her: is there a venomous snake loose somewhere in our house?

him: [releasing a mongoose into the air ducts] don’t be ridiculous

@VerbsRProudest

The only real certainties are death, taxes, & people who haven’t seen each other in forever, blocking whatever you need in the store.

@catstronomical

My blood type is A+ because I’m the best at everything. Even at having blood.

@caithuls

Someone put the toilet paper roll on backwards and I’m furious and also I live alone