My senior Quote
Sometimes vampires bite and kill their victims and sometimes they bite and turn them into vampires. So it’s like, do I just want supper or do I want a BFF?
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Him: “Are you single?”
Me: *flashes back to that time Wil Wheaton RTd me and left me at the top of his TL all night*
I’m finally putting that giant exercise ball to use, and my core is hurting from laughing at Toddler Dodgeball.
Spirits are you there?
U R C U T E D O Y O U H A V E K I K
“Get your fax straight!” – a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987
“It puts the lotion on its skin…”
— me buttering a baked potato
Spent a pretty long time watching the cat next door lounge in the grass before I realized he was a skateboard.
And the Lord said to Peter “come forth and you will receive eternal life”.
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
I was about to commit suicide, but then a Nicki Minaj song came on the radio — so I committed suicide twice.
Just havin’ brunch on my balcony, shootin’ down drones. They’re gettin’ crafty with these drones. The last one looked a lot like a bird. They all did actually. Squawkin’ and whatnot, feathers flyin’ everywhere. Nice try, drones.