@crushingbort

sometimes when a man and a woman love each other very much they decide to bring a tiny shitting bald man screaming into the world

You Might Also Like

@Alvildalikely

No, I’m not dressing up as something sexy. I’m sexy 364 days of the year. I’m dressing up as the Predator.

@truegritrumble

HER: You almost ready to go to my mothers?
ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down.

@stevevsninjas

Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council.

@CakeThrottle

Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. “It’s pronounced Jarfield” he says through tears

@Browtweaten

Me: How much for the snake hamster?

Pet Store Clerk: That’s a ferret

@_ElvishPresley_

me: I’d like one mcdouble please

employee: sir, this is a Burger King

me: ok one mcdouble please, ur majesty