sometimes when a man and a woman love each other very much they decide to bring a tiny shitting bald man screaming into the world

You Might Also Like


No, I’m not dressing up as something sexy. I’m sexy 364 days of the year. I’m dressing up as the Predator.


HER: You almost ready to go to my mothers?
ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down.


Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council.


Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. “It’s pronounced Jarfield” he says through tears


Me: How much for the snake hamster?

Pet Store Clerk: That’s a ferret


me: I’d like one mcdouble please

employee: sir, this is a Burger King

me: ok one mcdouble please, ur majesty