Before being born, I wish I would have been able to select the difficulty level of my life.
Sometimes you’ll hate a person when you first meet because it saves time.
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*Buys Samsung smart fridge. Opens app every 15 minutes to see if there’s anything good in there*
Whenever a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch just to show them what I am capable of.
I love twitter
SHEEP: okay you’re in charge of keeping the flock together
SHEEP: you herd me
I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.
Show me someone who says they like all types of music and I will show you someone who has never been on hold before a conference call.
Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex’s hometown, buy her a puppy.
Marriage only works when both partners listen. Not to each other; god that would be horrible advice.
RT if you could go either way.