@realHamOnWry: Sometimes you'll hate a person when you first meet because it saves time.
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@turd_firebird: If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.
@UniqueDude2: [Meeting girlfriend's parents] Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks! <Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>
@sophielou: [me laughing hysterically at a tweet] Strangers walking by: what is wrong with you Me: I don’t know