Just to be clear, when I came over to your house I had no intention of fighting your cat.
Somewhere right now someone is dreaming about you. Except your hair is different.
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“Hey… You’re not a surgeon!”
“If Affleck can be Batman…”
“Fair enough. Scalpel.”
you remember me as the guy who put his arm in the doorway to hold open the automatic door for you in 2009. welll, now i need a favor
Leonardo: Let’s go rescue April!!
Donatello: Let’s do it!
Vincent: *cuts off ear* give her this
How do you plead?
“Your honor there are 12 jurors & I brought a dozen donuts”
Bribery is illeg-
“A baker’s dozen” *winks*
I would walk barefoot over hot koalas for you.
God: take it
Satan: no you take it
God: no you take it
Satan: i dont want it
God: well its no good to me
Me: *kicks a pebble* i have a name
A fun game is to put on an orange vest and direct traffic.
addams family is funny because it was meant as a subversion of regular western family values, and so the wife and husband both like eachother
Sometimes u see the moon during the day and it’s like, wow, how embarrassing. Showed up early because you were bored? Get a life, nerd moon.