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@DirtMcTurd: Son: can I get lunch money
Dad: I have a boyfriend
@TwinSurvivalist: The slow disappearance in forks from the silverware drawer solidifies my fears of an upcoming arms race with my children.
@AdamBroud: [Disney Pitch Meeting]
Writer: So kids love puppies
Exec: Haha true
Writer: This movie is about skinning alive 101 of them
Exec: First off, it's perfect
@3sunzzz: Me: Will I live a long and happy life? *shake, shake, shake*
SOON A DOZEN CLOWNS WILL MURDER YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP
Me: This is the worst Magic 8 Ball ever.
@petedavidson: Professor Snape caught Harry in the hall after dark and out of NOWHERE Lupin pops out in the hallway to save him. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT
@WhatevaConc: If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news.