Son: daddy what happens to our poopy when we flush it?
Me: our poopy collects in what’s called a septic tank where it forms with all our other poopies to become one giant poopy monster waiting on our command to rise and destroy all our enemies.
Wife: okay no.
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Made the mistake of laughing at something my 7yo said and thus entered into a 72-hour hell spiral of listening to him repeat the same joke over and over and over and over…
I’m most like a dog when after someone has hurt me I won’t get too close to them again.
Also when I’m eating food that fell on the floor.
You were the hot single in your area the whole time.
Why use 2 A’s in the name Aaron? Why not 17? What’s stopping us?
They said the kids that bullied me in school would be pumping my gas one day but 1 just got a modeling contract who do I talk to about this
Cotton candy is just flavored spider webs
In my mind, I’m about 22-years old. Then I walk by a mirror.
– My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog