@UncleDuke1969

Son: What’s for dinner?
Me: Cake.
Son: Yay! I want cake!
Me: What are the magic words?
Son: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MOM.
Me: Here ya go.

You Might Also Like

@ravenswng_

Q: If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?

A: I don’t know. If everyone used the same hypothetical question to demonstrate a point, would you?

@jokeymcjokeface

Crime would drop to 0% if police uniforms were scary clown costumes. “Put your hands up and state your favorite balloon animal!”

@TheBoydP

How many colors and shades is it okay to just call white?

Men: 58

Women: 1

@Pirate_nurse

Thanks to this HUGE spider web I just walked into we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked

@SamDelanche

Impatient means she’s restlessly eager, inpatient means she lives in a mental hospital…

Learned that one the hard way.

@SuperApple8

All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.

@paulablu22

Hey guy in your car behind me, Your honking isn’t going to make me type any faster.

@rebrafsim

Me: look, I’m just saying if Superman could move faster than light, then he didn’t need to change in a phone booth
Her: you’re like the opposite of joy

@DurtMcHurtt

My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days.