I tried playing hide-n-seek with my friends newborn and now I’m not allowed back inside that hospital 🙁
-70% of True Blood dialogue
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Ads for 2020 would be like, have you ever wondered how it would feel if an entire lifetime was packed into one year? Now you can!
people are attacking at me with pitchforks simply because i choose to lay still under piles of hay, straw, and leaves at times.
What kind of educational background do you need to have to work at the gas station that directs teens to their deaths in a horror movie?
“discuss your ideas with the person next to you”
*Lysol kills 99.9% of germs on my counter*
LYSOL: “Hey .1% germs…
Tell your friends”
Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that.
Our cat doesn’t like fireworks so we just let her hold sparklers.
Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don’t fool me. Oh that’s your bf. You still don’t fool me.