@fro_vo

SOOTHSAYER: beware the ides of march
CAESAR: what sayst thou to me now? speak once again
SOOTHSAYER: beware the ides of march
CAESAR: wtf does ides mean
SOOTHSAYER: 15th
CAESAR: say 15th then

You Might Also Like

@alicewhitey

How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.

@JulieSnark

Tampax needs to extend the string to 2ft so I can hang myself with it every month.

@Burger_Time_

[as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first

@BCMontgo

Me: I’ll definitely do it tomorrow.

Morgan Freeman: He wouldn’t.

Me: *chasing Morgan out of my house with broom* Why are you here again?

@Reverend_Scott

[at Applebees on Christmas]
God: Your food good?
Jesus: Ya, it-
*a crowd of servers surrounds them*
Jesus: You didn’t…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y

@KalvinMacleod

Dave is coming over.
Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave?
Outside: THIS RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING.

@poutinesmoothie

If you lean back in a chair and put your feet up on the desk, everything you say will be beaming with confidence and bravado especially if it’s not your office.

@3sunzzz

[job interview]

-Describe yourself to me in one word.

-poor