@DirtMcTurd

Sorry about the typos lately you gays.

You Might Also Like

@bazlyons

They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be ‘land’

@FatBottomGirl1

Acupuncture for weight loss huh? I’ve had little pricks before, and they never helped me work off any pounds.

@kahearstee

5 just handed me the household nunchucks and said, “here, you’re in charge now.”

@Douchekevin

I’m the perfect man if you don’t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.

@figgled

My definition of the word ‘mansion’ becomes looser and looser every year. Oh ur asbestos bungalow has flyscreens? Um ok your Highness

@AmishPornStar1

Go ahead, make fun of my cargo shorts

But we’ll see who’s laughing when you need a corkscrew, life raft, pillow or an extra tuna sandwich.

@Doughbvy

next time i’m opening up to someone is my autopsy

@BryceElder

Heard a guy talking about Belgian whistles.

“A basic website costs 10k, or 25k upwards if you want all the Belgian whistles,” he said.

Belgian whistles.

@BuckyIsotope

“What’s up, doc?” says Bugs Bunny. “Not you,” laughs the doctor. “Take these little blue pills.”
*Looney Tunes music plays*