sorry cinderella but if he couldn’t recognize your face without your designer shoes on I have some news

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Me, opening my eyes to see I have two minutes left before my alarm clock goes off:


My date said he wasn’t looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit.


You know what a cubicle basically says? It says ‘We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office,but we don’t want you to look at anybody.’


The term “mentally ill” is reserved for white people. Brown people are called terrorists. Black people are called thugs.


You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back.

Are you raising an army for Mordor?


Look, all I’m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.


My resume is just an old VHS tape of the “Life Goes On” episode where Corky lip syncs “Fight the Power” for his school’s talent show.