@SvnSxty

sorry cinderella but if he couldn’t recognize your face without your designer shoes on I have some news

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@scrueggs

Me, opening my eyes to see I have two minutes left before my alarm clock goes off:

@Sassafrantz

My date said he wasn’t looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit.

@P1ssed_K1d

You know what a cubicle basically says? It says ‘We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office,but we don’t want you to look at anybody.’

@rationalists

The term “mentally ill” is reserved for white people. Brown people are called terrorists. Black people are called thugs.

@mickeza1

You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back.

Are you raising an army for Mordor?

@SteveSackington

Look, all I’m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.

@sfreeze6

My resume is just an old VHS tape of the “Life Goes On” episode where Corky lip syncs “Fight the Power” for his school’s talent show.