[at Chinese restaurant]
“Hi I’ll have a large goingon”
-What is goingon?
“Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food”
Sorry I booped your nose during your meltdown ..
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Wow, what a moving acceptance speech from John Lithgow:
depression: everything is terrible
me: yeah, let’s buy stuff online
anxiety: you can’t afford that
me: okay guys, one at a time
LOCAL BOTS ARE SICK AND TIRED OF PRETENDING TO BE HOT LOCAL SINGLES AND WANT YOU TO ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE; LINES OF CODE AND NOTHING MORE
Old cordless phones, for when you really need to be on the phone, but also need to sword fight the cat.
Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.
God: then you become a butterfly
Caterpillar: wow. the rest of my life as a butterfly
God: yeah lol the “rest”
Caterpillar: how long
Caterpillar: how long God
she wears short skirts
i do tax fraud
she’s cheer captain and
i’m in jail for tax fraud
you can skip the karate classes and just buy a black belt. no one will care.