@RunwayDan: Sorry I embarrassed you when I tried to draft Smaug, but I totally misunderstood the concept of a Fantasy football league.
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@CantWaitToNap: When a cop talks to you about Miranda, he's not inviting you for a three-way... I know this now.
@Momtoteens: When I go see my drug dealer, she makes me lay on a couch and talk to her for an hour first.
@Playing_Dad: Cop: Wife shot the husband for bothering her while reading a book Sargent: You arrested her? C: No S: Why? C: She's not done with the book
@kica333: The average person has sex 89 times a year. I’m apparently about to have a super busy 2 months