*pronounces “naked” like “baked”
Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You’ve actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.
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The time to worry is when Alexa stops laughing.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
_’D L_K_ TO SOL__ TH_ P_ZZL_
I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat
I’d like to solve the puzzle
Yes, go ahead
No, I’d like to..
My 8 year old daughter just ate dinner and didn’t even notice the onions that were in there.
If you were wondering about my hiding skills.
This is a terrible time for kidnappers.
Magician: “Think of a number.”
Magician: “Are you thinking of a number?”
*the crowd goes wild with applause*
First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire.
One time I saw a duck get hit by a wonder bread truck and that’s pretty much why I try not to get too ambitious
If your problem can be solved by:
Then you don’t really have a problem.