ITS A NELSON MANDALA. WHO EVEN COMMITS TO A PUN LIKE THAT.
Sorry I haven’t been able to get back to you, I’ve been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It.
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Apparently speed dating doesn’t involve taking amphetamines. UGH.
Worst night ever.
Sitting here cooking up some meh.
Guess who doesn’t want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.
Nine out of ten people aren’t the tenth person.
Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it “resisting arrest.”
its all fun and games until someone loses an I?. then we cant play scrabble anymor
She said “you’re dead to me” but I suspect she’s planning to make me dead to everyone else as well
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name “fire place”
I just had a near death experience
Death: I SAID 6 FEET, GODAMIT