@Bandersnaaatch

Sorry I haven’t been able to get back to you, I’ve been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It.

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@ATTLien

ITS A NELSON MANDALA. WHO EVEN COMMITS TO A PUN LIKE THAT.

@MoneypennyNaked

Apparently speed dating doesn’t involve taking amphetamines. UGH.
Worst night ever.

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Guess who doesn’t want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.

@Bearslietoo

Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it “resisting arrest.”

@jonnysun

its all fun and games until someone loses an I?. then we cant play scrabble anymor

@MelvinofYork

She said “you’re dead to me” but I suspect she’s planning to make me dead to everyone else as well

@matt_obrien

Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name “fire place”

@JPLFR80

I just had a near death experience

Death: I SAID 6 FEET, GODAMIT