I blink one eye at a time because flying squirrels can attack at any moment.
Sorry I hit you with my car over and over… but you kept getting up.
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Don’t Drake and drive or you’ll end up at your ex’s house.
Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there.
Batman Begins Twerking #AddaWordRuinaMovie
Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…
Police say Oscar Pistorius is a flight risk. How? Does he also have a pair of propeller feet?
Guys love it when you rest your head on their shoulder at the movie theatre.
Their girlfriends however… not so much.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?”
“You said you wanted something that said that life is all about taking-“
“Right. That’s why I-”
“I’m weally disappointed.”
OMG! It’s colder than a pimps heart out here!
Mind: Be careful to protect yourself and don’t jump right in.