@murrman5: Sorry I lied about knowing how to play the piano. What's that? Yes, I agree it made the funeral uncomfortable.
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@BoomBoomBetty: Everyone: I want to be cremated and my ashes sprinkled into the ocean under the moon while baby turtles hatch and race towards the water while “Circle of Life” plays. Me: Put me in some aerosol cans and sell me as dry shampoo.
@Jake_Vig: HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.