@E_lok44
@Rollinintheseat
Interviewer: “Why did you leave your last job?”
Me: “After coming back from vacation, all my passwords had expired. It was easier to resign than reset them.”
You Might Also Like
@Rollinintheseat
@Otter_News
I said good day, Sir!
@skedaddle74
The only thing you can wish for in this life is that the person you say “I do” to appreciates your Star Trek memorabilia as much as you.
@ericsshadow
6:00am: I’ll go to the gym in 20 minutes
6:20am: I’ll go to the gym in 10 minutes
6:30am: I’ll go to the gym in 5 minutes
6:35am: I’ll go to the gym in 2 minutes
6:37am: What time does McDonald’s open
@flashember
DAUGHTER: Mom asked me to check on you and the eggnog making
ME [wrestling a screaming chicken into a blender full of milk]: GRAB ITS LEGS
@Lammergeared
Sir, those are my emotional support chrome tabs
@M3lissaMcDonald
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
@junejuly12
I wonder if this guy ahead of me in line would mind if I pulled his jeans up for him.
@themiltron
me: *kicks a stone*
mountain: my baby
@MOONEM0Jl
aliens probably ride pass earth and lock their doors