Sorry I replied “yikes” to your selfie.

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Turns out HR doesn’t care if it’s national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work.


Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers.
“Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?” SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!


Jean shorts on men should be called Danny Dukes. Or Daisy Dons. Or maybe just Poor Life Choices.


If you didn’t need at least five napkins and your sleeve, that burger wasn’t greasy enough.


My parents waited way too long to tell me about Santa and the Easter Bunny. I was so mad I got in my car & drove away.


The Rubik’s Cube’s already solved when you buy it so there’s really no reason to touch it.


Man: I’d like to buy a fur coat please

Clerk: Sorry sir, this is a pet store

Man: I’d like to buy 200 gerbils please


Today’s episode of Wheel of Fortune has been cancelled because Jesus took the wheel.


Pour your beer in a coffee cup because sometimes walking around with a beer during breakfast is frowned upon.