@DaddyJew: Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention
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@Donnie_Fairburn: [Comes home and wife is laying in bed with Another Man] "Hey" Hi "Can I ask you something?" Yup "Why'd you name the dog 'Another Man' babe?"
@OneFunnyMummy: The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."
@InternetHippo: GOD: Peter, you will be heaven’s bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don’t want— ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he’ll make you a dog