The only reason they’re called “jellyfish” is that ‘discarded grocery bags of death’ was considered “too wordy”.
Sorry I thought your older sister was your daughter and then made everyone else at the restaurant guess your age.
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*roundhouse kicks neighbor’s mailbox into street*
I DO NOT LIKE FAKE BARNS
Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change.
I think everyone should get to vote which family member should get shot with a bow and arrow
CHARACTER: I’ll have a beer
BARTENDER: What brand?
CHARACTER: *stunned* Uh…I don’t know, no one’s ever asked this in a show before
If you eat guns, you’ll sweat bullets.
When Hugh Hefner dies no one will say he’s in a better place now.
The letter R is just the letter P showing off some leg.
I see dead people.
Well technically they’re stupid people, but give me a few minutes.
I was in a serious relationship once. We never even smiled.