I’m sorry but shits and giggles don’t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Sorry I wrote “harvest organs” on your chart when I visited you in the hospital.
You Might Also Like
SORTING HAT: this kid’s a piece of shit uh I mean slytherin
[takes a sip at wine tasting]
Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew.
The 3 types of Christmas movies:
1. Movies about Santa.
2.People being changed by the Christmas spirit.
3. Die Hard
Husband “I thought you were dieting?”
Me “I am”
Husband “You just ate 6 Oreos”
Me “Yes but I want to eat 12. See – Dieting”
Let me sing you the song of my people
*moves and 97 joints pop*
I was just at a restaurant and they yelled out order 867 so I yelled out 5309 and absolutely nobody laughed, how does nobody find this funny?
Billion dollar idea.
A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell “I’m just cooking!”
Hug a tree. Then rub your hands along it’s trunk and tell it how knotty it is.
It’s weird how opposites attract, like red wine & a new shirt