@daddydoubts

Sorry I’m late, my toddler declared independence.

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@AbrasiveGhost

GOD: I call them Water Buffalo

ANGEL: But they live on land

GOD: Yep

ANGEL:

GOD:

ANGEL: u really dont care anymore do u

GOD: Not a bit

@tsm560

Just got blocked by a longtime friend here and I’m trying to get over it

I’m over it

@thehubrispanda

According to HR, putting a middle finger emoji at the end of my auto-reply before going on vacation, is apparently not acceptable.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

Historical fact: The term “bro” originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus.

@AndyAsAdjective

I want to congratulate you on learning the definition of abundance.

“Thank you. It means a lot.”