Sorry I’m late, my toddler declared independence.
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GOD: I call them Water Buffalo
ANGEL: But they live on land
ANGEL: u really dont care anymore do u
GOD: Not a bit
M A Y O N N A I S E
Just got blocked by a longtime friend here and I’m trying to get over it
I’m over it
According to HR, putting a middle finger emoji at the end of my auto-reply before going on vacation, is apparently not acceptable.
Dating tip: surprise your date by being a giraffe
The dating pool definitely has pee in it
Historical fact: The term “bro” originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus.
I want to congratulate you on learning the definition of abundance.
“Thank you. It means a lot.”