@gorrdano
@CheeseDaydreams
My kids just watched this video where two You Tubers stopped playing piano to fight each other with knives.
Me: Wow, you two really like comedy
Son: Who doesn’t like comedy?
Daughter: Who doesn’t like knives?
You Might Also Like
@CheeseDaydreams
@elmulino
I don’t think people outside of England understand that the “it’s coming home” thing was a joke at first because we had no hope but it actually might be coming home and now we don’t know what to do with ourselves
@TheTweetOfGod
Paris is suing Fox News for repeatedly insulting it. Also suing them for the same reason: your intelligence.
@WittySassBasket
I tossed and turned so much last night that I woke up with an ab.
@CornOnTheGoblin
[my mom pretends to answer her phone] hello? oh hi Batman…i dunno if he’s eating his vegetables or not
me: [mouth full of broccoli] i am!
@RandomAntics
Our society makes women ashamed and unhappy with their bodies. I, for one, have always been disappointed by the lack of cupholders on mine.
@SentenceReduced
Why do we always hurt the ones who eat the tator tots I was saving in the freezer?
@Tommytoughstuff
[High school reunion]
Hey guys! Remember me!?
“No”
How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head*
(in unison) CHRIS!
@samalmightysam
If you love Batman, let him go, because Batman Returns.
@david8hughes
“Write this down.”
[Moses grabs tablet]
“Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?”