high school was the free trial version of college. “if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000”
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn’t really think your choice was excellent.
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Me: “I’d like 3 ice cubes”
Refrigerator Ice Dispenser: “Here have 19”
Dog: OMG HE LOOKED IN THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF MY LEASH WE’RE GOING FOR A WALK I’M READY C’MON LET’S GO NOW PUT YOUR SHOES ON NOW HERE LET ME HELP I HAVE YOUR SOCK OK LET’S GO WALK!!!
For sale: Baby, won’t stop selling its shoes.
me folding laundry: ugh another sock is missing
puppet on my hand: how does that keep happening
I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn’t like it
toddler *banging his hammer on the coffee table*
me: What are you making?
Me: *breathes* *gains weight*
ME: Make every guy afraid of me.
GENIE: As you wish.
ME: (a tampon): son of a
I threw caution to the wind.caution is my little brother.