My toddler only has 3 words, but she can already argue with me.
Sorry you asked a yes or no question and I talked for 12 days
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Don’t advertise “All You Can Eat” then drag me out kicking and screaming with fists full of shrimp.
My favorite pickup line is when a guy just slides an order of mozzarella sticks towards me.
It’s called mankind because womanmean just sounded too obvious.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
George W Bush kept us safe just like how abstinence education kept Bristol Palin unpregnant.
The minute the pilot asked me for “a lil’ help?” spinning one of the plane’s front propellers, I knew I was a little too thrifty planning the family vacation.
I love how the Ninja Turtles wear masks to hide their identity. It’s not like you’re a giant turtle or anything.
My skin is so dry that I can’t tell if it’s kidding.
IKEA employees are just the souls of previous shoppers that couldn’t find the exit