Unfortunately, not even me offering to cut my toenails could save the relationship.
Southern women don’t outright fight. We passive aggressively drive one another into the ground with compliments and trying to make the better fried chicken.
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This mirror frame is a classic Victorian style, but the ghosts in the reflection are wearing Edwardian clothes so the glass was likely replaced
First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took.
I’m going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant tonight and my husband texted me the menu so I can “plan all my questions for the waiter in advance.”
How much credibility is there in that whole “you can punch yourself handsome” theory?
Asking for a friend.
I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don’t have to get out of bed to get them a drink.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we’re not suppose to slow dance:)
Cashier: No, thank YOU
Me: …if this is a thank you-off, you better buckle the hell up
The Exorcist was probably the worst workout video ever.
Forgot to turn on the oven. Food’s been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.