@BoomBoomBetty

Southern women don’t outright fight. We passive aggressively drive one another into the ground with compliments and trying to make the better fried chicken.

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@anerdonfire2

Unfortunately, not even me offering to cut my toenails could save the relationship.

@suntzufuntzu

[Antiques Roadshow]
This mirror frame is a classic Victorian style, but the ghosts in the reflection are wearing Edwardian clothes so the glass was likely replaced

@Parkerlawyer

I’m going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant tonight and my husband texted me the menu so I can “plan all my questions for the waiter in advance.”

@Tharin_P

How much credibility is there in that whole “you can punch yourself handsome” theory?
Asking for a friend.

@Tetley6969

I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don’t have to get out of bed to get them a drink.

@Deurb1

Why do they play this music on the elevators if we’re not suppose to slow dance:)

@markedly

Me: Thanks
Cashier: No, thank YOU
Me: …if this is a thank you-off, you better buckle the hell up

@UnFitz

The Exorcist was probably the worst workout video ever.

@Smiilze

Forgot to turn on the oven. Food’s been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.