Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day’s specials or the entire restaurant explodes.
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I was in a cafe the other day when I overheard this:
“Can you please stop listening to our conversation?”
If you can’t handle me at my worst then you are tolerable of the right amount of bullshit.
Imagine being so rich you could afford the other monocle.
young jesus: mom where do babies come from
joseph: [pulls up a chair] yea mary, where DO babies come from?
No Karen; a stable relationship is not
when you move in with the horses.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution, b*tches be trippin…
Those three magical words:
“Where’s the plunger?”
The bravest thing you can do is change & the weakest is to settle for comfort.
But, seriously, that remote is really far from the couch.
*detective bangs on table*
I SAID GIVE ME A NAME!
Aaron… I like it!
*’Aaron’ leaves interrogation room, ready for a new life*