@StinkyGr33n

[Speed dating]

Me: “Toilet paper, over or under?”
Her: “Und..”
Me: *flips table* NEXT!!!!!

You Might Also Like

@gogglepossum

[slips the bus driver £20]

“Maybe you let me ride the bus for free?”

@FunkyFresh_79

Cinco De Mayo
Cinco De Ketchup
Cinco De Mustard
Cinco De Siracha
Cinco De Ranch Dressing

@NotGaryBusey

If a vampire bites his tongue, does his tongue become a vampire? Tongpire?

@fkabudu

Entrepreneurs will work hard and put in 120% for years only for one article to tell you that their secret is that they do yoga at 4.30am 🙄🙄🙄

@ehdannyboy

I think I might have a shower.

*checks*

Yes, I have a shower.

@UnFitz

Who called them reply guys instead of first responders?

@ABurgerADay

Writing cuss words on the white space of textbook pages is marginally offensive.

@badAzz_mom

So he says ” Nice glasses” and I say ” Thanks! They’re for seeing ”

*slaps knee*

@tastefactory

Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts “No this is Creative WRITHING class” Other student squirms around on floor “Very good Todd”