@joshbupkes

Speed was unrealistic because nobody riding a bus wants to live

You Might Also Like

@Cheeseboy22

It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.

@BunAndLeggings

The moment my toddler figured out how to open a door was a lot like the raptor kitchen scene in Jurassic Park.

@dimplesticks

My 6yo just told me that because I need music to get motivated that makes me ‘radioactive’

@behindyourback

Birds do it/Bees do it/Even educated fleas do it/Let’s do it/Let’s make people super nervous anytime we’re in their personal space

@rmayemsinger

Who else is self quarantining alone? I’m this close to naming a volleyball.

@causticbob

I’ve written a book called, ‘How Not To Get Conned Out Of Your Money’.

It’s available in all good bookshops priced £149.99.

@duchesskk

“Let’s play 21 questions”
Nigerian Girl: how tall are you?
Nigerian Guy: Rice. What’s the worst thing you’ve done with a guy?