@CelebrityGaucho

[Spelling bee, to clench victory]

“O,P… (hesitates) A,W,E,S,O,M,E.”

Judges?

(Opossum judges whispering for a bit)

Correct.

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@The_JRM

I sometimes lie awake and wonder how much useful information I’ve left out of my brain to make room for these Hanson songs.

@PretendMunchkin

Nothing like watching a 2 year old with her head stuck in her shirt collar.

I’m gonna let her fight it out for a bit.

Snacks anyone?

@HenpeckedHal

me: *taking off shirt* YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME???
dermatologist: once again, it’s called a biopsy

@ThisOneSayz

*watches Easy Hairstyle tutorial*

*burns neck with curling iron*

*stabs scalp with bobby pin*

*gets hairspray in eyes*

*wears hair in ponytail*

@ibid78

“Your word is ‘oujia'”
-could you use that in a seance?
[spelling bee judge puts hand over the mic] I think.. I think this guy just won

@ShaeAaron

At my age, “getting lucky” means being able to find my car in the parking lot.

@gmossii

My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.

@junejuly12

I think I’ve convinced my sister that the new big thing is Diet Water, and now I can’t wait for her to order it when we go for lunch.

@OBiiieeee

Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?

@kashanacauley

The next James Bond is just going to be three hours of him trying to get all his info off Facebook.