Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.
( spelling bee )
Your word is “passive-aggressive”
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
I’ll hold up the contest just for you.
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Every morning I have to check my shoes for scorpions. We don’t have scorpions in Illinois people just hate me.
You hear about people running amok but what about people doing other things amok? I often eat chocolate amok and you don’t hear about that.
Im so mad Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement that I’m going to go read the Paris Climate Agreement now.
Been on 3 dates now with this girl who works in the zoo. I think she’s a keeper
Boy. A zombie outbreak sure could get a solid foothold on a day like today, with all this tomfoolery and whatnot. Be safe out there, guys.
me: [staring up at the sun, then at the sunblock in my hands, then back up at the sun, then back at the sunblock]
my wife: you’re wondering whether you put it on yourself or on the sun, aren’t you
me: look i didn’t go to medical school like you did ok
I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could’ve napped and didn’t.
-Applies sunscreen to wall.
-Rubs back on wall.