@GrowlyGrego

[spelling bee]
Your word is “spider”
Can you use it in a sentence?
“A spider has eight eyes.”
[kid smiles]
Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R

You Might Also Like

@JustBeingEmma

My husband found me lying on the sofa and told me that the kitchen was a complete mess. I said, “I know. That’s why I’m not in there.”

@KentWGraham

When I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage, I didn’t realize how often I’d just get the finger.

@KylePlantEmoji

Caesar: You will be forced to fight to the death

Gladiator: Hell yeah

Madiator: well this is bullshit

@8bitf0x

do you guys have PC & cheese? i’m not really a mac guy

@JillianKarger

inventor of the hot dog: [watching a hot dog eating contest] oh no. no that’s way too many

@ghostkrogh

mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile
me: wha
mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth

@TuSoonShakur

HAMMER PANTS: can’t touch this

HAMMER PANTIES: definitely can’t touch this

@Mr_Kapowski

Why does the airport entice me and call it a baggage carousel if I’m not allowed to ride on it?

@Jerrypleasure

[at restaurant]

date: i am an old-fashioned lady

[to impress her]

me: *striking stones furiously to light a cigarette*