@4handfuls: Spending the weekend installing toothpaste-colored carpet since my 3 yr old insists on brushing his teeth while walking around the house...
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@CyborgHanky: [in line for coffee] Me (in my head): hi I'd like a caramel macchiato please. hi can I get a caramel macchiato? hi, I'd like one- Barista: NEXT! Me: Hello, um, I'd like one, uhhh *stumbling* carnival avocado Me (in my head): god dammit
@hazelmotes1: When I die I want my remains poured out of an airplane over the Grand Canyon. But don't cremate me. Just dump my body on some tourists.
@Parkerlawyer: Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating. Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones.