@smint

Spending this evening saving Princess Zelda, because Princess Zelda has never ‘accidentally’ hooked up with her Sociology T.A. while abroad.

You Might Also Like

@crylenol

*Ouija board begins spelling*
H-A-V-E_S-O-M-E
“Ooooh, spooky”
G-R-A-N-D-C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N
“Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else”

@OtherDanOBrien

[a 2nd grade classroom 5 yrs from now]
TEACHER: Khaleesi M, please leave Khaleesi S alone. Khaleesi T, I still need your permission slip

@adultblackmale

[i walk up to a woman wearing headphones and take them off her and put them on] nice this song rules. what? sorry, can’t talk. headphones on

@anerdonfire2

Don’t flatter yourself lady, I wasn’t winking at you. I was winking at that biscuit you’re eating.

@TheClingyGF

If you’re not cheating on me, then why won’t you let me install surveillance cameras in your house.

@just1fool

The last beer didn’t tell me why life is so confusing but it told me the next one would.

@SortaBad

ME: What do you recommend? It’s our anniversary

WAITRESS AT WAFFLE HOUSE: You should try a waffle

@WritePlay

*date*

GIRL: I love hot tubs. Do you love hot tubs?

LOBSTER: That’s like the third time you’ve asked me that.

@CVTBaby

Him: Can you forgive me?

*mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is*

Me: Yes, but I’m really hurt so please give me time.