*Ouija board begins spelling*
“Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else”
Spending this evening saving Princess Zelda, because Princess Zelda has never ‘accidentally’ hooked up with her Sociology T.A. while abroad.
You Might Also Like
[a 2nd grade classroom 5 yrs from now]
TEACHER: Khaleesi M, please leave Khaleesi S alone. Khaleesi T, I still need your permission slip
[i walk up to a woman wearing headphones and take them off her and put them on] nice this song rules. what? sorry, can’t talk. headphones on
Don’t flatter yourself lady, I wasn’t winking at you. I was winking at that biscuit you’re eating.
If you’re not cheating on me, then why won’t you let me install surveillance cameras in your house.
The last beer didn’t tell me why life is so confusing but it told me the next one would.
Well if you cant buy babys at Babys R Us what in the world do they sell?
ME: What do you recommend? It’s our anniversary
WAITRESS AT WAFFLE HOUSE: You should try a waffle
GIRL: I love hot tubs. Do you love hot tubs?
LOBSTER: That’s like the third time you’ve asked me that.
Him: Can you forgive me?
*mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is*
Me: Yes, but I’m really hurt so please give me time.