@SufficientCharm
“We are going to Taiwan”
Juan: No, please don’t!
@slotjunkierose
Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today…finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it.
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@SufficientCharm
@thestlouisan
Who’s the idiot who named the song ‘The Sound of Silence’ and not
@sparticus_af
before meds: *hates everything*
after meds: *feels good about hating everything*
@antijokeapple
person: how long does it take to get there?
me: 3 songs
@preciousadidas
Biden: So here’s the plan, I’ll tackle him and you go in for the knockout
Obama: Joe please.
Biden: too far? Okay what about-
Obama
@Adam14
I don’t know why people say life is short….this seems to be taking forever.
@AbbieEvansXO
Therapist: why can’t you introduce your two groups of friends to each other?
Me: [told one group my name was the space cowboy and the other it was the gangster of love] I just can’t ok
@emireecraire
Not sure if the bulb for my check engine light finally burned itself out or if my car magically fixed itself, but I’m going with the latter
@mrjohndarby
Cop: I have bad news. It’s your son. You need to come down to the mortuary
Mom: But…how?
Cop: Maybe get a cab?
@Book_Krazy
*opens drawer* huh, I don’t remember this shirt being pink. OMG…did he…did he do laundry? *slowly opens 2nd drawer*
-Law & Order sound