@wingzfly

Spent all day doing one of my favorite things ever – not dying. Score.

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@ElleOhHell

Jared Leto’s primary preparation for his role as the Joker was changing his middle name to Stil

@L8yK8y

I find it ironic that several times a day I have to let a computer know that I’M not a robot.

@bust2nut

I like in RPGs when you kill a wild animal and it has, like, $5 and a spoon on it for some reason

@novixv

[on a planet teeming with life, covered in beautiful landscapes, limitless drinking water, breathable air]

*whiney voice* “it’s windy”

@markedly

Spanish: The h is silent
English: Many letters can be silent
French: All letters are meaningless, every living thing is born without reason

@BoothysTweets

[goes to walmart]

[later]

Wife: Did you get all the groceries on the list?

Me: Even better than that…

[pulls out a four man tent, a DVD of Labyrinth and a bottle of squid ink]

@Reverend_Scott

DOG 911: what’s your emer-

DOG: MY HUMAN SAID “WALK” WHILE TALKING

DOG 911: so?

DOG: WE NEVER WENT FOR A WALK

DOG 911: OMG

DOG: OMG