Gyms closed. So this summer gone be about personality.
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I leave my vacuum in the middle of the floor at all times so when I have unexpected company I can say I was just about to clean my house.
No, give me the blue mittens for shoveling. The red ones are for scandal.
The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama.
Attention Walmart Shoppers –
There is someone dressed
Beauty & the Beast 2 is just 90 minutes of Belle and the prince shopping for new furniture after it all turned back into people.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have”
Now I am sitting in a disciplinary meeting in my Wonder Woman costume.
robber: me n Lenny will handle this job tonight, obviously you’re gonna be lookout again…sorry Joe
giraffe: this is bullshit Steve
I don’t know if you really meant to Like Ebola on Facebook, 8,000 people
[etched on my tombstone]
THE DIET STARTS TOMORROW