Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.
sphinx: answer my riddle correctly or die
sphinx: but i haven’t asked the question…
me: [laying my head under her paw] we gonna do this or what?
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BBC crime shows on Netflix:
– Inspector Grimpenchester
– The Hangman’s Ax
– Get Me Bumblry!
– Miss Lettie Pennyfeather’s Detective Concern
Many people are surprised to hear I’m married because I scream it at them as I descend from their broken skylight in the dead of night.
yall can name 10 kardashians but you can’t name 10 jesuses
Getting married lost its appeal as soon as I figured out that acquiring a maid of honor wasn’t going to get my floors washed.
GOD: Let’s name some of you bugs
FLY: Me first!
FLY: Hell yeah!
BUTTERFLY: Now me!
I gotta stop applyin for Everything on Indeed I got a Interview Tuesday to be a Pastor
Is this your 1st video conference call?
*Takes HUGE bong rip*
*Holding it in* umm no
So you’re aware we can see you?
*Cough* what *cough*
CALIBUR: I love being a calibur!
ME: Stop being a calibur. Arthur needs you.
Everyone knows someone in real life that actually resembles a garden gnome.