@FaisalAdam_: Spider-man never tweets via iPhone. He's a web kinda guy.
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@fowlerism: [3am] WIFE: *nudging my shoulder* I can't sleep, do you wanna... ME: *suddenly awake* WIFE: ...teach me calculus? ME: We begin, as we must, with the concept of a derivative
@RandomManik: GF texted me that her ex wants to get her back. So I texted, "I care for you. Don't do this". I'm still working on what to reply to my GF.
@ClichedOut: HER: I was mauled by a bear mountain biking ME: *long drag on cigarette* what kinda bike was it riding, Carol