Spider-Man’s a great addition to The Avengers, if they’re looking for a superhero who is best at watching people they love die.

You Might Also Like


I think Tuesdays are worse than Mondays.

You can’t use “It’s Monday” as an excuse.


Can’t make an omelette without breaking into my neighbor’s chicken coop.


“Hello, this is Steve, my wife is listening.”

– How I answer every phone call since my wife bought Bluetooth for my car.


waiter: how did u find your meal sir?

me: i… i looked down


Job: something you do to make enough money to buy three avocados at one time.


My washing machine at noon: “I will gently wash these clothes.”

My washing machine at midnight: “I WILL WASH THE HELL OUT OF THESE CLOTHES!!”


Watch your wedding video backwards. You’ll love the part when you take your ring off, walk away from the altar, & leave with your friends.