What did I learn today?
Never use a dentist with a huge inflatable molar on his roof.
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All I wanna do is
Get this reference
An excerpt from my self help book, “How to Get Rich Quick”
Chapter 1: Write a self help book about how to get rich quick
interviewer: why were you fired from your last job?
God: [sweating nervously] ok have you ever heard of humans
BOSS: can i ask u a question
ME: you just did
ME: because that was a question
ME: when you said “can i ask u a question.” that was a question.
BOSS: why are u in the fish tank
In the old days when people knocked on the door, you could hide. Now you have to disconnect from internet and turn off cell phones.
Me: What’s your favourite book?
Her: Well, I love 1984
Me: Ok, but just choose one.
[minutes after eating mac & cheese] u know what would be amazing right now- and honestly it’s been a while since I’ve had it- mac & cheese
This headline is a thing of beauty
I feel like palindrome should be spelled palindromemordnilap