@ashleycrem: HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they're transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.

@gitson_shiggles: Dear guy that just shoplifted a brick from the supply centre, how close are you to finishing the construction of your dream home?

@panmidwest: haunted cereals -unlucky charms -honey tomb -golden graves -cookie crypt -honey bunches of moats -cheerighouls -cinnamon ghost crunch

@ArfMeasures: Boss: We're going to replace you with a robot Me: lol good luck getting a robot to match my performance Boss: It's broken and does nothing Me: shit

@shariv67: My husband said he bought the toupée for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I dont get men.