Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid
Splinter: my sons i have good news and bad news
Leonardo: what’s the good news
Splinter: after 16 years of training you are ready to leave the sewers
Raphael: what’s the bad news
Splinter: your shells have grown too big to fit thru the manhole
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If it weren’t for smoke detectors, I’d never know when my food was ready.
#PictureWednesday #health #nutrition #exercise
“Cats typically sleep 16-20 hours per day.”
Yes. Hi. I’m interested in the position.
“Do you have any questions?”
– Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
I made a huge to do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi.
My neighbor called me an old drunk which really offended me. I’m not that old…
“It’s because I raised eleven kids in a previous life,” is what I tell people when asked why I don’t have any children.