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@velvettusk: *sprains wrist doing sports
"MY NACHO HAND!"
@MasonCrossBooks: My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream...
@TheMichaelRock: God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history.
Me: I'll show myself out.
@drinksmcgee: When a cashier asks me for my email address, I keep naming random letters as they type it to see how long I can go before they give up.
@TheCatWhisprer: [on a date]
Okay don't let her know you're a cat fanatic.
Her: Is that a live kitten on your shoulder?
Me: HE'S JUST A FRIEND.
@SadieSkyNinja: "Wow, more ABBA. Shocking."
-anyone on road trips with me