Seeing a woman drinking, smoking, and gambling while in her wedding dress makes me realize I need to up my multi-tasking game.
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Conservatives after a mass shooting: “You can’t take our guns!”
Conservatives after a police shooting: “But he had a gun!”
My Game Of Thrones review: Even my cat is a mess.
scientist: this machine erases your bad memories instantly. any volunteers?
me: i’ll give it a go
scientist: but you were just here yesterday
me: i’ve made some bad life choices since then
netflix: are you still watching
me, on my phone not paying any attention at all: yes
Started to go to the gym this morning, couldn’t find my membership card…
A new one was $10
A donut & coffee were $3
Guess who saved $7?
Jobs I’d be shit at:
-sober person thingy
Noah’s flood = God clearing his browser history
The Grammy performers prove that no matter age, sex, race, religion or looks, I have no idea who most them are.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.